MY MANIFESTO: MY VOTE OF LOVE
Mr. Chairman, Marriage Counsellors, Bishops, Prophets, Apostles, Pastors, Fellow Contestants, Ladies and Gentlemen, greetings from the throne room of the Almighty God.
I stand here today to spell out to you why I think you should all vote for me to have this enviable position of being the groom of the bride in whom this election is going to be held for.
When I am given the position as the husband to the bride in question, I will ensure that some good things about her will become better and the bad ones will be turned to good. I therefore wish to explain categorically that when I am voted for, the rest of her life is going to be the best of her life.
Socially, I will ensure that before she steps outside, she will be in a befitting dress, so that men will not watch her and fall into gutters, she will not expose certain parts of her body to the public, I will ensure she doesn’t smear Borges olive oil on her two upper apples and hipping it to entice men, I will personally ensure that she doesn’t give Jesus a second crucifixion by putting on a cross in between her cleavage.
Physically, with the help of my father in heaven, I will make sure she spends less time before the mirror but more with her bible. This is not to mean she will not have to look good, but I will explain to her understanding that the real beauty of a woman lies in the inside not by turning herself into a California lady (a lady who has different colours on her face). I know this is where my contestant can use to woo her, but I ask myself if a man really loves you, must he share your vital parts with the world?
Reproduction wise, when many couples are battling over the number of children they want to have, I will just have to remind her of the biblical verse that says, “The barren woman shall give birth to seven children”, therefore I wish to let her know that we shall graciously build our family with seven children and the gates of bareness shall not prevail.
Knowing how family oriented my prospective wife is, I want to let her know that when I am given this position as her husband, members of her family are free to visit at any time of the day except on one condition: the visit should not be on a weekend and the visitor thereof must be asleep by 7pm, reasons best known to my wife later when she votes for me.
Materialistically, I know my competitor has a 40inch LCD flat screen TV, a queen size water bed and rides the latest Range Rover, my dear prospective wife, I want to remind you that man should not live by material possessions alone but by pure affection of which I have more than any contestant, as for those material gains, they are good to have but I will give you something more than that.
And if at any point you getting scared by the boxing face of my sisters, thinking they will molest you, I wish to tell you that they will cherish and adore you, they only look this hard in the face because they feel grieved you are taking me away for good and so they will not get to enjoy the coins and notes they were always enjoying from my pocket when they washed for me.
Before I bring my manifesto to an end, I want to let you know that I will adore, appreciate, praise, extol, eulogize you in the presence of any platform I will stand on to preach, and if you were ever thinking that because I have so many spiritual daughters, your number one position may be at risk, I want to tell you that all my daughters are patiently waiting for your arrival, if you think I am lying you can ask Akosua Agbo, Esther, Vicky and the prodigal ones(Audrey, Rebecca, Barbara…)
I want to end here by saying a very big thank you to some individuals that have helped me all this years in my attempt of having you as my bride. My pastor Emmanuel, my God sister Thomasia and my three musketeers’ paddies in church, having all grabbed and always teasing me, Sammy banku, borga Eugene and Swapo Prince.
I can’t end this manifesto without saying a big thank you to all the jezebels that came my way to detract me from reaching you, don’t forget the saying: before you get to the castle you first must step on frogs…they helped me to stand firm and tough all this while…
I peacefully end my manifesto with this advice from Ruth 1vs16-17… (Don’t urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people shall be my people and your God shall be my God, where you die I will die, and there I will be buried, may God deal with me, be it ever severely, if anything but death separate you and me.)
Uncle ebo heaven
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